Thursday, February 26, 2009

Letter #10

My precious Jonathan -

I've been so busy these last 2 days. My world is falling apart around me and to take time to sit at a computer has been the last thing on my mind, although I've wanted nothing more than to talk with you and capture in writing everything that's been going on.

Two days ago Mom became very sick. She woke me up early Wednesday morning telling me that she had thrown up. When I was little, I remember Grammy telling me nothing takes a parent from complete unconsciousness to complete awareness than her child whispering, "Mom, I threw up." My in-field research shows this extends to spouses.

Mom had a lot of congestion, achey body, and GI issues which I won't name on the world-wide web. She was also running a high temperature (103+) which was really bad in her condition. The doctor that we weekly see referred us to our PPC as the symptoms appeared to point to a nose/ears/throat problem. We got right in to see him (10:30 am), and he felt like she could have the flu. Given the delicate nature of her condition, he prescribed 4 over-the-counter drugs to help her symptoms. Arriving back home, I gave her her first round of pills and she fell asleep. Around 5 that evening she got her second round of pills and went back to sleep, although not before I started taking her temperature. I was concerned that her fever wasn't going down. Checking it every thirty minutes over the hour confirmed what I was feeling - her fever wasn't subsiding with the Tylenol. In fact, the last time I checked it that night she was at 104.

At that point I was really concerned. Although I had tried to keep her hydrated and her electrolytes up, she was becoming rather delirious and I feared she was becoming dehydrated - another bad state to be in in her condition. I woke her up (she had been sleeping all day with the exception of the doctor's visit) and told her I was taking her to the emergency room. In speaking with the front desk there, we were directed to the Labor and Delivery ward. Interesting aside - if a pregnant woman walks into the emergency room with a broken arm or a pool ball lodged in her skull, she gets sent to Labor and Delivery. But I digress...

The fetal monitors they put on Mom showed that your heart rate was out of sink with her Braxton/Hicks contractions. Normally there would be a synchronized decrease in heart rate with an increase in contractions. What we were seeing was a decrease in heart rate only after the contractions subsided. The on-call doctor told us that this behavior is seen in some healthy babies, but all unhealthy babies have this behavior. He seemed to find hope in the fact that this could be because the dehydration and so they worked to get IV's into her. I have never seen an IV delivered so quickly. She received 3 bags (are those quarts? Nah... They're probably using metrics...) in the course of about thirty minutes. The 'drip, drip, drip' of a normal IV was a steady stream on hers. Even with that, your heart continued to do it's own thing. The doctor at that time felt we needed to move ahead with a C-section.

"How long do we have until we move her into surgery? A few hours?" I asked, thinking of all the family and friends I'd have to call and update.

"It takes me about 10 minutes to dress and scrub in," He said. "Anesthesia is thirty minutes. Jonathan will be extracted three minutes after that."

"Oh..."

And that, my friend, is the story of how you came into the world. It was never how mom and I had planned things. We had a whole list of things we wanted to get done before you got here. Oddly, "clean out the garage" was one of them. None of it really mattered, though, once they wheeled you out.

You.

Were.

Perfect.



The size constraints of the Internet keep me from fully documenting how amazing you were. All these tiny components coming on-line simultaneously to make-up a new creation blows... my... mind! And yet there you were in my arms, cooing and hungry for your first meal.

I'll have to go back and add pictures to this letter to support my claims, but eye-witnesses were agreeable. (ed. pictures added)

Mom, meanwhile, was kept away from you because doctors were beginning to think she had pneumonia, a theory that proved true as more tests came in. As a result, she didn't get to hold you until the following day.

Your birthday started at 6:30 am on Wednesday and ended at 4:45 am the following day. I was utterly exausted but I have never been so happy.


I am goofy-in-love with you, Jonnie. I have a lot to tell you about your first day, but it deserves a letter unto it's own. It's also 3:15 Friday morning and I need rest, lots of rest. I think I've gotten 9 hours of sleep over the past 4 days.

I love you,
Dad

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Letter #9

Jonathan -

A few years ago a movie came out called "The Bucket List." It introduced the concept of a list you intend to fulfill before dying (i.e. kicking the bucket). While this is in no way the most profound enumeration of wishes, here's a partial list of things I've been thinking about...
  1. Fundamentally shift the direction of my family tree in a new, better direction.
  2. Have kids and grow old with my wife.
  3. Seek out people I offended and apologize.
  4. Establish authentic, selfless relationships with other people.
  5. Create a text-based adventure game.
  6. Instill a love for Christ in my kids.

Ask me how these are developing when you get the chance. ;)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Letter #8

Jonathan -

It's half-til midnight and I'm still at work. I've been working since 8:30 this morning - approaching a 15-hour work day. I haven't seen mom since she left for work at 7 this morning. I talked to her a few times tonight. I could tell she was hurt I was working so late. That makes me sad, but in my defense work rolled out "mandatory overtime." I figure if I can work the week-day, that'll free up the weekend.

I can't believe you'll be here in a month! Can't wait! Love you!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Letter #7

Jonathan -

It was a great day today with our guests. I think I'm getting a glimpse of what it means to live in Christian community. I'll write more later.

Love you!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Letter #6

Jonathan -

It was another long day today. I had a day of work, driving my sister to the airport in Dallas (less than 45 minutes there; over 2 hours back), and more homework in preparation for Saturday. We're also getting ready to have guests beginning Saturday for a week! Our friends the Doeden's are coming to stay with us while the husband does some traveling business in the area. I'm very excited to see them since they moved to North Dakota a year ago. They'll be bringing their daughter with them who was still in utero when they moved.

I had crashed in bed and laid there for several minutes before I realized there was a part of my day missing - writing to you! It's not that I HAVE to write you daily, it's that I want to. Right now I think this is the only way I can show you how much you mean to me.

I have stories I want to share, but they'll have to wait for another time.

Love you!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Letter #5

Jonathan -

At the time of this writing I am pursuing my masters in software engineering. This semester I'm taking a course in "Software Management." If this is the stuff my bosses do at work week after week, they must be well compensated. I cannot imagine how this drudgery inspires anyone into engineering management!

The first assignment for the course is to come up with a work breakdown structure for the semester. That is to say, we itemize every task for every assignment, estimate the time it takes to complete each task, then record the actual time it took. This helps forcast due dates and helps a person refine their estimation techniques. While I'm new to the process, I'm predicting I have 60 hours of work due in 48 hours. Over the course of the semester, I'm estimating 19 hours per week until mid march, (the week you and I finally meet!)

Oh, and work is asking for 10% overtime.

I hope this course is worth it...

It's a late night, and I need to get to bed. I love you!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Letter #4

Jonathan -

Today was a historic day for our country - Barrack Obama became the first black President. It is an amazing milestone for the U.S. and something I honestly didn't expect to see for at least another 20 years, though that's not to say I'm disappointed! ;)

At the same time, let’s also hope that this watershed will fade from memory. It was a big deal when John F. Kennedy became the first Catholic President, but now it seems quaint that that was ever an issue. It will be nice to see the same thing come true regarding the first black President.

That's not to say I support the policies he's proposing, however. I feel like borrowing our way out of a financial crisis is like eating to recover from obesity or drinking your way to sobriety. Let's pray that something outside his control can save us (like World War II saved us from Franklin Roosevelt's New Deal.)

I need to get back to work now. Happy Inauguration Day!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Letter #3

Jonathan -

I'm resolved to start writing you on my lunch breaks rather than the last task of the evening. I realize I'm running the risk of not documenting some profound event that happens after noon, but the way I'm currently doing things leaves me a little pressed. I think you deserve better. On a positive note, I'm normally so tired that when I reread the previous day's post, it's like I'm reading parts for the first time!

Today I had lunch with my mom. For the last five or six years my grandmother has been living with her, following the death of my grandfather. And for that same period of time, my grandmother had been on a gradual journey of "the long good-bye" - Alzheimer's disease. Unfortunately, the best comparison I have for it is the sinking of the Titanic. After the impact with the iceberg, everything seemed normal; I wondered if what the doctors had said was true because everything seemed okay. She was a sweet old lady who still recognized me and knew my name. She actually became a little more outgoing than I had ever known her - she started telling jokes and was witty! I wonder what she was thinking then. Was she trying to cover up the fact she didn't know who I was and was therefore being friendly? I think in the last year or so that circle of people she knows is down to only one or two people, if that.

In the last month, she's started forgetting which room is her's and can't hold a thought through a sentence. My mom told me during lunch today that last night she woke up at 1 a.m. to noise in the kitchen. It was my grandmother who had gotten a case of the munchies and went for ice-cream. What she had in her hand, however, was a can of frozen juice concentrate and three frozen sausage patties. That, to her, was ice-cream.

Through all of this, though, my grandmother reads her Bible every day and can tell you five ways God's blessed her. What kind of wiring in the brain allows that, do you think?

As I thought about all this today, I realized (and I'm sure this is obvious to you and anyone reading) that she is slowly moving mentally back into infancy. It's like a large tapestry is slowly being unwoven into its original materials. How sad. My mom deserves an award for the patience and servitude she's embodied, and I have a strong belief she will earn high accolades in the next life. I have found many, many new things to love about my mom.

A very important truth that I've learned over the last several months - and I'm sure will be a repeated theme of these letters - is that God gave us children in part to help us understand our relationship with Him. So when we see our children stretching out their arms and crying out to be picked up, we would know the heart of The Father when we do the same to him. So that when our infant cries out for us in the middle of the night, and holding them and rocking them puts them at peace, we would know how The Father responds to our cries. So that when our children are oblivious to the harmful things of the world and are simply enjoying their parent's presence, we would learn to do the same.

Perhaps it's not just children He uses to teach those things, but also our ailing grandparents? Hmm...

I'd like to know what your thoughts are on that. I love you and will talk with you soon. Goodnight.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Letter #2

Jonathan -

Whew! Two days in a row! Mom was upset tonight because it was late, I didn't finish my homework, and I still wanted to stay up to write. I haven't told her about this writing venture yet as I want to surprise her. She went to sleep, and here I am.

For several months I've been thinking about family legacy. My grandfather grew up barefoot on a farm in East Texas with his two sisters. By the time he was 16 or 17, he was a college graduate from Texas A&M and an officer in the U.S. Air Force. By the time he died in the 1990's he, his wife, his sisters, and their husbands all had their masters degree. What a foundational shift in the direction of our family tree!!! Almost everything I have in life today can be owed, in part, to his hard work and determination. It leaves me wondering, though, what will I do for my descendants?

I'm currently getting my masters but I don't know that my heart is fully in it. Perhaps this is God setting me up for good things to come. I want you to know that God's done that many many times in my life in the last five years. But... then what? Perhaps the first step of greatness is realizing where you are; future steps point you in a direction and after that comes the long obedience in the same direction. Some day maybe we can talk about what your contribution was to your family. Wow! Think of that...

It's another late night and we have big wigs coming into the office tomorrow. I love you, Jonathan! I can't wait to see you in a month or two...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Letter #1

Jonathan -

Hey guy. I've been meaning to start this for a while, but adding a new routine to the daily schedule takes serious adjustment. Today was Saturday. Mom and I spent the day running errands together. We did some shopping, had lunch together, then caught a movie tonight, (we saw Bride Wars.) Even though we live together, I often forget how much fun I have when I'm with her. She's such a nut, and we spend so much of the time laughing together. I can't imagine a life without her.

Today we learned that both K.B. Toys and Circuit City are going out of business. President-elect Obama is starting to travel to Washington D.C. for his inauguration. Israel called a unilateral cease-fire against Gaza.

I need to get to bed as we have church tomorrow and it's already 1! Hopefully these letters won't be a fad.

I can't wait to talk with you...